Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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