When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
