Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How's work?
Spinning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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