And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
