Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
