just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
accomplished twins. life is a go
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
