bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
