My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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