my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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