You just made me feel so damn special
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
