what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
