Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
