I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
