watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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