New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
