Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
