I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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