My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
