i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
