Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
