Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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