I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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