dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
