i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
