Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Randomize
