As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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