Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
