ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
