my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
only if we run a train.
done.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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