There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
