my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
