His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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