I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
