But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
