It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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