Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
