do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
