Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
