She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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