Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
