TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
