remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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