And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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