My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
