She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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