I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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