I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girls should come with a carfax report
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
