My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
