I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
