i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
