never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize