it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
