Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
