i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
