You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
