I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
