I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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