Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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