I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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