It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
