8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
