Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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